Because, Why Not?

I've been toying with idea for quite some time, and I just decided tonight, Fuck it, I want to do a comic.

I don't care if I have no art skills, you'll have to suffer this shit.

And, yes, I opened up with a "Your Mom" joke. What of it!?

Staring into the depths of the sun,

Skot/Scott

Oh life, how funny of a thing you are.

The calms and tides of your eternal struggles always breaking against our backs.
Teaching and tormenting but never meaning to hurt.
Like a small child your games can go too far but we always find the light in it.
I am so very grateful for all the things you've shown me.
The lessons learned.
I just wish I didn't need them.
I wonder about the things I lose when your waves crash against me.
Where would I be if not for your tide.
What would have become of this little man if you hadn't beaten these teachings into him.
Not a man most likely.
But like a small child, I will get back up.
I may shed a tear, I may sit in the sand and wonder what I did.
But I will rise again.
I see my lessons, I know the mistakes.
I am not sorry I made them. To be sorry is to regret. And my mistakes make me stronger.
I now stand before a much larger wave than before.
This one will test all that I have learned.
Every failure I've ever risen from.
I falter against it's weight, so many thoughts, so ignorant a child.
I open my eyes to see the ocean rising ever higher.
It means to take me.
I shall not give way to this.
Not again.
I am here, and I am strong.
This black sea cannot win, for I will not let it.
And I am Strong.

Skot/Scott

Oklahoma

Skot/Scott here, and I just got home from Oklahoma.

Hence the title.

I did a few fun things, saw some fun stuff, and heard a pretty awesome band., but sad truth is, there isn't much to do in Oklahoma. 

You'll understand when I tell you that the most memorabe part of the vacation was a chicken sandwich I had the first night at the hotel.

This sandwich was the best fried-chicken sandwich, I've ever had the orgasmic pleasure of eating.

The bun was the size of a standard burger's bun, but the slab of chicken can only be described as that. A slab.

That is supposed to be an angelic choir.

I've seen smaller steaks.

I feel as though I am starting to understand crazy religious zealots, as the chicken is now a part of me. And it is good.

No other chicken will ever reach this plateau, and I feel shameful for ever having had a chicken before it.

It was as if Odin Himself, gave His very life-blood into the fryer, and Hephaestus expertly bathed the slab of poultry in the Odinsblood until it was a brilliant golden brown.

Odin himself then brought me the finished bird and placed it front of me and said "Eat this, my son, and be full. For it is made within my very life and given for you to feast. Eat it and know that I love you, I love you more than any other God could ever love you."

And I ate it.

And I am now changed.

Alternatively, maybe it was a trip so lacking in anything noteworthy that this one, (probably only average) moment just seemed so monumental by comparison..

Just to clarify, I did have a lot of fun, the company was good, and the drinks were cheap. So that's something..

More Oklahoma to come.

Skot/Scott

A step by step guide to being old.

For all of you yougsters out there desperatly wishing you were older, and people would take you more seriously, I thought I would write a guide for you to look and act older!

Follow these steps and you'll be yelling at kids for their loud music in no time!

First, Aching Joints.
Just start complaining about them, whether they hurt or not. They don't really hurt anyone, but everyone thinks they are supposed to so we just make it up.

Second, Slow Down.
Most older people will tell you they don't understand why you go so fast, why not stop and smell the roses. Really they just can't run because they are too busy pretending their joints hurt. You now need to enjoy things around you more and also drive a lot slower. It's the duty of the older generation to piss off the younger ones so that they can one day too drive slowly thus completing the cycle.

Third, Reminisce.
Talk about "The Good Ole Days" just make shit up. Anyone who's read my Opa story knows that's what he does. Talk about how when you were young gas was cheaper, and we had people in space. Or go crazy and say in your day we all were in space and you yourself built this planet that we walk on just for the younger generation who in turn doesn't appreciate you.

Third point five, Reminisce part 2.
Always talk about old shows and old bands as if you were a part of them.

Fourth, Talk Like Your Dad.
Learn some terrible jokes, and use them whenever you can, here are a few:
What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell Carrots?

What's invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny Farts.

What's Orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.


Fifth, You Are What You Wear.
This one will depend on how old you want to be, and also how you want people to look at you. You'll have to do a little research here. Personally, I hike up my pants so far that no one, not even myself, can be sure where my stomach begins and my crotch ends. Try wearing golf pants, those can really get you started.

Sixth, This One Is Scary.
This last step is the end all. After this there is no going back. Make sure you are ready with creaky joints, bad jokes, and old man loafers. Politics. Start watching the news and have strange opinions on every politician. Start mudslinging you own TV more than they do on it.

Good luck friends, and remember, GET OFF MY LAWN!

Skot/Scott

Daycare Fun Part 1

I don't really have much in the line of a job right now, I'm trying to get started at this DJ place (If you know someone who is having a wedding and needs a DJ let me know!!) And I've been working super part time at a daycare.

I love kids, I always have, this is regarded with a lot of skepticism, because apparently, men can't like children, something in their genes (or jeans....gross Skot) Well it's not the first time I've been called rather feminine.

Anyway, I love hanging out with kids, and spending time with them, and listening to them tell me their troubles about how Bobby pushed them and the whole world is about to end as a result!

I love kids, get it? Good.

I don't get too many hours at the daycare, but last week I got called in to sub for a teacher, needless to say, I was overjoyed! The fact that I had to get up at 8am barely even phased me I was so excited!

So I left my house at 8:30, it's a fifteen minute drive, and I don't have to be there until 9:30. Plenty of time right?

Turns out I suck at the whole “Where The Fuck Am I” thing....I pulled up at 9:28 am...Cutting it close eh? I don't even know how I get so terribly lost, I was a Boy Scout for crying out loud!!

Well, I'm on time. Panting, frustrated, but on time.

I get in to my room where there are fifteen kids, about 1-3 years old, who haven't seen me in about two months. The whole room goes quiet except for one little boy who was just pushed off his chair in what I like to call “The Great Applejack Struggle of Tuesday The Twelfth.”

The other teacher, we'll call her Sandy for this, looks at me and quickly turns back to what she was doing: snack.

I've eaten snacks before. I've made snacks before. I've even served children snacks before. But never before have I been so confused and amused at the chaos involved with fifteen children eating some oatmeal. There were naked children running to other rooms, a small pile of dismembered dolls, and children fighting over who got to sit next to the new scary looking man.

I had no idea what to do, mostly I just tried not to step on anyone as I served oatmeal. Sandy however, shall we call her Superwoman? She was, very possibly literally, juggling several children, breaking up a fight, cleaning dishes, and (yes AND) cleaning up my mess.

My hat is off to you my friend.

So that shows you the first ten minutes right?

As snack was wrapping up, and I was failing miserably at keeping the children in eyesight, let alone in line, Sandy sneaks up to me and says “Can I talk to you?”

Scared out of my mind that I was being fired after only being there for 10 or so minutes I followed her to a corner out of earshot of the kiddies. Quickly looking around her she leans in and whispers, “Do you want to go to the pool?”

I was very confused and almost said “That sounds lovely, but I have a girlfriend, I'm sorry.” I almost said it, I nearly wish I had said it just to see the look on her face, but I didn't! Instead I took a moment to process this whole idea and said “Yes, I would love to!”

The next few minutes I was wishing for the chaos of snack time, at least then I had a chair. Sandy turned around after speaking to me and said for everyone to hear “Who wants to go to the pool?!” For a brief instant there was peace, as every child had to process the word 'pool'.

Is it happy? Yes.

Is it fun? Yes.

Will I get to act like an utter buffoon and make my teachers chase me around? Hell yes. (Yes, the child said “hell” Fuck off)

Toys and pants and underwear and part of Peru were all thrown into the air, screaming and laughing and a small amount of crying tore through the room. And through the whole thing I found myself laughing and smiling. I love my job.

Stay tuned for part 2! In which a small girl questions gender norms, a high school gets terrorized, I chase several naked children, and the world nearly ends!

I love you like my children,

Skot/Scott

Give thanks.

Say thank you to your mom. After all, if it weren't for her, you wouldn't be able to poop.

Thanks mom.
Skot/Scott

I need something Today.

Skot/Scott

I am horrible at following through with things. I get really cool ideas that seem awesome at the time, then I try really hard to make something of them, and then usually forget about about them a few months later.

Sometimes a lot sooner.

I can't even finish writing a list of things I would like to finish...

Just 'cause.

So a tornado attacked us today.

It came and busted in some houses and held up people for money.

Damn tornadoes.

In other news, I'm awesome!

Can I get an "amen"?

So apparently, regardless of what their book says, a group of Christians out of California are convinced that Saturday is the day that some guy in a robe is going to descend to the earth, and bring all the good little boys and girls back up stairs with him, leaving the rest of us down here to keep on sinnin'.

Sounds good to me.

Now I usually try to be as open minded as I can about people beliefs, especially when it comes to wondering what comes after death, that shit is seriously scary. It even weirds me out a little to think that there isn't anything after I die. But to believe that some guy is just gonna holler "All aboard", and the great pearly gates are gonna open to the good people is a little ridiculous.

I mean think about it. If we really do only have one life to live, as in this is the only part of time that my soul has been on this planet, and come Saturday it will either go up or down. Then how does God know that I'm a good person? Maybe if he let me stay a bit longer I would see the error in my ways! Maybe in just a few days or months or years I would turn my face to the grace of god, and on that day, I would truly be worthy of his love, and should be accepted into the kingdom of Heaven.

Doubtful.

More likely, on my death bed in 60 years (More like twenty with how much of a klutz I am) I'll convert to Christianity so that I can be saved. I unno.

All I know is I don't want to leave. If Jesus come down and tells me my time is up, I'm taking a rain check. I'd rather stay. I'm not done screwing up yet. I'm not even close to done learning. I want more time to be me. I want to continue being human.

And a place with no sin and nothing but perfection sounds incredibly boring.

Besides, I won't know anyone up there, none of my friends will be going up, that's is for damn sure.

But, if any of you do end up heading cloud-ward, could you tell Jesus, he still owes me five bucks?

Thanks,

Skot/Scott

Clothes Pt.2

I'm not really sure if this qualifies as a "part 2" But the hell with it, I want a sequel.

It's summer-ish time and with that comes heat. And with heat comes my distaste for shirts.

I hate shirts. I'm not saying I want the whole world to be shirtless, because that would vulgar and deviant. Though I spose I am both of those things, thank you Drea.

My distaste for upper-body wear is simply towards myself. Hell, ask any of my friends, get me into a small room with a lot people, the temperature starts to rise, and off goes my shirt! (and sometimes my pants but that's when I have a few drinks too!)

You can also see proof of this in most of my Facebook pictures, roughly fifty percent have me shirtless.

I have a small pocket watch I like to wear around my neck, it has never worked and honestly I like it even more that the hands are forever stuck at five minutes to two, 'cause that is what I have appropriately named Shirtless O'clock! My party time twice a day!

I'm not a nudest, (well maybe) I don't get kicks out of being weird (...umm) and I certainly don't enjoy parading my half-naked self around for the world to see (Yea, this whole sentence is a lie) I just don't like shirts.

Unless they are freshly ironed, then they are ok to sleep on.

Skot/Scott

Dreams

I've been having some interesting dreams lately.

Note: Interesting, can mean good or bad. Just saying.

Last night I lost a lot of sleep because I kept reliving some rather bad parts of my childhood where I got bullied a lot.

In these dreams I was super tiny and certain antagonists from my past would hit me and call me names, while my friends from the current era in my life joined them.

When I woke up and thought on it for a while I realized how stupid I was back then. I have always been a rather large kid, I've been six feet tall since middle school and used to weigh close to three-hundred pounds. At any point I could have thrown any of my oppressors through a damned window, even the really fat one. And that being said, there were really fat kids who called me fat and drove me to tears..weird..

I was perusing Facebook not long ago, and decided to look up some of these people.

Man, do I feel better about myself.

If you haven't taken the chance to look at your old bullies, do it. Most of mine are real winners now (sarcasm), makes me proud.

Getting back to dreams, I also had a dream where I purposely crapped myself. I awoke very alarmed. If my dream is any indication to the reality of it, pooping yourself feels somewhat nice though.

This reminds me of a story!

Hehehe.

When I was younger, I'll say 7, I don't really remember, I had a bit of a problem. I'd be playing outside for hours, and come back in much later and would have pooped myself. At first my parents just figured, "Oops, shit happens" (I love puns) But after a few more times they got really concerned. They decided to take me to see a doctor.

The doctor checked me out, he poked and prodded, and eventually took my parents into another room. There he looked at them for a moment before saying "There's nothing wrong with him. He's just lazy. He's having fun outside and doesn't want to go inside."

My parents were noticeably confused, both of them being rather active, ambitious people, they didn't know how to act when they found out their son was too lazy to go to the bathroom like a normal well-adjusted human being.  The doctor picked up on this and said, "I think I can help though."

Back in the room with me the doctor sat opposite of the examining table and looked me in the eye. "Son, we have a little problem here, it seems you can't control your potty time, is that correct?" I nodded "Well I think I can help you, would you like that?" I nodded again, not really paying attention. "Alright, we just need to give you a little shot," He produced this enormous needle, roughly six inches long. I screamed and dove for my parents who were barely concealing their laughter (bastards).

They took me home, and I have never crapped myself since.

Good story.

I was rather hesitant to write this one up, 'cause I didn't think anyone but Oscar would enjoy it, but we'll see.

Skot/Scott

NOT THE MONKEYS!

Oiy!

I think that's how you spell that, it's how I say anyway. If I find out I both spell AND say that wrong, I'm going to very sad indeed.

Anyway, the possibly misspelled and mispronounced "Oiy" is in reference to the crazy last few weeks that are finally coming to a close!

The show went well, with a sad audience attendance each night though, I don't give a damn about numbers, but I'm sad that the kids put so much work into it and so few people came out to see it. Most of their parents didn't even make the time, that's just wrong.

In the small bit of free time I've had, I've been working on a few projects, one I can't talk about yet for fear of being flayed alive by creatures beyond reason. The other is less dangerous to talk about, I'm finally finishing work on my Dungeons and Dragons world! I'm still adding a lot to the history of this planet, but I wanted to post it here so you could read it and tell me what you think.

You're free to use my ideas for your own campaigns, but start making money with my ideas and I will not be happy. I only say this 'cause it's happened before.

Here it is:

The year is 512.

It has been 512 years since the great war.

It has been 512 years since the world we knew was destroyed.

The druids, 512 years ago, took it upon themselves to return the planet to it's lush and forested state before civilization had developed on its surface.

The magical rite needed for such a powerful spell stripped the planet of almost all it's life force, and failed to restore any of it.

The planet is now one enormous ball of wasteland dotted by small bits of choked greens. The mountains have crumbled filling the seas and killing marine life. The water boiled away and covers the world in pitch black clouds, never falling back down. Animal life still abounds, though most creatures have developed a bloodlust and craving for anything with flesh making the surface incredibly dangerous. Anything the eats the meat from a surface animal may contract the bloodlust and turn into a feral beast itself. There is no proven cure for the bloodlust.

Hundreds of thousands died in the weeks following, wether dying of hunger, being eaten by the beasts or becoming a beast themselves.

The last of the dwarves died four hundred years ago, starved for the stone of the earth.

Any bit of civilization that was in the half-orcs before the scourge quickly washed away as tribes warred over the last remaining bits of food, and lacking any basic medical alchemy most half-orcs were taken by the bloodlust and returned to an even more barbaric lifestyle than before.

What remained of civilized people took to the skies aboard the few flying machines left from the war. There they have lived for some 500 years growing and building these small boats into gigantic flying cities.

Elves and Humans, who had been been fighting side by side against the dwarves before the druidic attack, now blame each other for the drastic measure taken by the druids. Elves say that the humans were the ones who pushed the druids to try "saving" the planet, while the humans say that the magic was elvish in nature so they must take the blame.

Due to the nature of the druids attack, druidism of all kinds is illegal, and it is considered an act of the state to kill anyone performing druidic rites on site.

The sky cities have returned to the ground to find resource deposits over the years and each control a few mines that are heavily guarded and coveted.

Though due to the hostile nature of the land animals very few settlements have been started on the surface.

The spell cast by the druids not only destroyed the planet and set technology back several steps. Because of this, there are many pre-scourge items that no one knows how to replicate or even how to run efficiently, but hundreds depend on the stability of these devices, though after five hundred years the cogs are getting rather rusty..

In the year 128, the humans, led by Price Crey, declared war on the elves. Sending a group of infected half-orcs into the capital city of Faewin, the humans sent a crippling blow throw the elves when the entire royal family was whipped away by the raging orcs.

In a show of un-elf-like haste, they rallied and led a counter attack only a few days later taking two resource mines from the humans by force. Unfortunatly, due to price Crey's incredible short-sightedness there was little to no defense in these mines and hundreds of civilians were slaughtered while defending their homes.

The war drug on for more than a century, the humans forgetting what had started the whole things, while the elves holding onto the grudge for much longer. In the year 242 the elves and humans reached a treaty of sorts. They agreed to a civil war. No more would battles be fought down to the very last man, it become world law that any battle would be decided when one army captured the other army's flag. Troops are required to lay down arms and surrender one mine to the victor. Any attacks following the capture of the flag would result in a court martial hearing and possible death to the offenders.

The human and elvish controlled cities now travel around the globe searching for more resources to claim so they won't be left defensless on the ground. In this way, the planet is being defiled even more and secret sects of druids have rekindled anger to stubbornness to "civilized" peoples.

These few remaining druids infiltrate themselves into the cities and force drastic and often harmful plant growth to explode in certain parts. These druids are killed on site if caught, though they rarely ever are.

Hope you enjoyed!

-Skot/Scott

I just don't know.

I think this actually tops my Lion Zombie. Click here.

This is bloody terrifying. I'm gonna search for more disturbing animals and post them.

While you're at it, check out coconut crabs, and then don't be able to sleep for a week.

Post your favorite disturbing animal below!!

Update from life: The show is going well, my kids make me so damned happy. They are absolute goons, and I love working with them. I wish we were a little further along with building our set, but I'm very confident that it'll be up by this weekend.

Update from future: I have a few new ideas I'm going to be trying out, be sure to look at all of my blogs, as I plan on making probably two more. One that will be all comics I draw, and another that will be dedicated to rants. I had a super good name for the rant one earlier today, but it's gone now. Sad day. If y ou have any suggestions post 'em below.

Update from over there: I'm sort of at a mental block for random stories of my past, so in my free time here (which will be extremely limited these next few days) I will be working on a few comic ideas I have. I hope to refine my drawing skills so that I can draw limbs (HOLY SHIT!) and learn how to write a comic for some artist friends! I really want to get these Russian comics underway! I think you'll like them.

Also, please tell your friends about this. I know it's rather boring right now, so don't send them here for this blog, but wait 'till I get funny again, and tell everyone. I want to do this for a living.

LOVE YOU!

Skot/Scott

Time Out Please.

Back in 2003 I was a sophomore in high school, about a month into the school year there was a shooting and two kids were killed and another is in some form of jail, I don't know, my form of copping with stuff like that is to just walk away.

I'm looking back on that in the last few weeks with a little bit of a new view.

I'm not going to say that anything that happened was even remotely ok, 'cause it wasn't. But the media, the administration, and the public made this all out to be very one sided. A stupid kid came in and killed someone. No one touched on the fact that this kids target was a bully and had been bullying him for a very long time.

Again, let me say, I do not agree with what happened that day, the lose of all those lives was very tragic and my sympathies have always gone out to those families.

A few weeks ago a student at the middle school that I went to brought a gun to school. Just a few days ago it was made aware that his intentions were to shot himself in front of those that had bullied him for so long. He was hoping to send them a message.

This kid was expelled, and being tried as a minor, so I do not, and will not know anything else about the case. But, my assumptions are that he will be put into some "bad kids" school, were everyone there are professional bullies.

What about the kids who pushed him this far?

Yea, I may be taking a little twisted view on this, but isn't this about the same degree as those homosexual students who killed themselves because they were being bullied?

We need to stop bullying before it starts, we need to treat the cause of these situations not the symptoms. We can't only punish the poor little kid who finally snaps and does something about (though in these cases they are very extreme and severe.) 

I've never been one who likes violence, but I've also always been able to just shrug off taunts and what not. But those kids who can't just walk away, why can't they stand up and make themselves into people too?

Use your head kids, and your fists if need be.

Don't ruin your lives or anyone else's, just pound a face in.

Sorry for this suddenly serious topic.

Skot/Scott

Masculinity

As with the last one, you can click on the image to see a full sized copy of it.

This is in response to the media blowing some stupid shit out of proportions.

Watch this.

I'm having fun with these comics, tell your friends and I'll make more.

Skot/Scott

Edit: Thought you might like this:

It's kind of a hard to see shot, but I played the Fairy Godmother in a show. I LOVED IT! Sidenote: Tights are nice.

True Story.

I know it's running into the sidebar, but if you click on the image it gets bigger and easier to see/read.

So this took me the better part of the afternoon, probably about three hours, so since it will only take you about fifteen seconds to read it, you can make up the difference by telling a couple people to come read it too!

LOVE YOU ALL!

Skot/Scott

P.S. Yes, this is a true story, save for the last bit.

Here I am!

Bare with me folks, I have lost my muse, she'll return soon I'm sure. Maybe when I get a new bottle.

I feel like I've broken my promise, I love you all?

Skot/Scott

HOLY GOD!!

I am refusing to look at the date of my last post. I AM SO SORRY!!!

I could give you any number of excuses but they would all be thinly veiled covers for laziness. Sorry folks, I promise I'm still here and dedicated to amusing you with my life.

One of those excuses is my job. I was recently shoved into a higher responsibility position and I'm floundering. Several of my crew read this, so I won't get into details, but it'll all be over come mid-May, and then I get back on track with this.

I think this is it for now, I'm going to start drinking, and playing World of Warcraft with my lady. Yes, I started playing WoW, I feel weird too. But it's actually quite fun when I have a pretty lady at the other end.

I'll post more later tonight.

I PROMISE!!!!

May our hearts, again, be one,

Skot/Scott

PILLS!

So I have rejoined the vast majority of the world and am again medicated.

Some of you know or maybe remember when I was on ADD meds. I used to be somewhat heavily medicated for my abysmal attention span. To put it into perspective, I went from an D student to an A student in college. YAY MEDS!

I also went from being random, spontaneous, happy, boisterous, and fun to being flat-lined, predictable, 9-5 working stiff.

Needless to say, I decided to forgo the grades for my personality and quit taking the meds.

I've been having a lot of weird anxiety attacks lately, I've had them for years, but recently I'm beginning to take much larger concern towards my craziness.

So after a whole lot of tests, questions, and even some blood lose, I am now on two new pills!

The doc was surprised I hadn't been on anything for my depression/anxiety before, said it was a very good thing I was now doing it.

I also am taking some meds for my mass migraines that attack every now and then.

Basically I'm writing this to say "Hey, if I start to become really weird or my writing starts to suck (more) please let me know."

I want to be this guy, I enjoy who I am, and I'm proud to be him, I'd like to lose the whole "Is that person laughing about me" thing but I am not willing to give up on how awesome I am.

Cheers to being yourself!

Skot/Scott