Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Because, Why Not?

I've been toying with idea for quite some time, and I just decided tonight, Fuck it, I want to do a comic.

I don't care if I have no art skills, you'll have to suffer this shit.

And, yes, I opened up with a "Your Mom" joke. What of it!?

Staring into the depths of the sun,

Oh life, how funny of a thing you are.

The calms and tides of your eternal struggles always breaking against our backs.
Teaching and tormenting but never meaning to hurt.
Like a small child your games can go too far but we always find the light in it.
I am so very grateful for all the things you've shown me.
The lessons learned.
I just wish I didn't need them.
I wonder about the things I lose when your waves crash against me.
Where would I be if not for your tide.
What would have become of this little man if you hadn't beaten these teachings into him.
Not a man most likely.
But like a small child, I will get back up.
I may shed a tear, I may sit in the sand and wonder what I did.
But I will rise again.
I see my lessons, I know the mistakes.
I am not sorry I made them. To be sorry is to regret. And my mistakes make me stronger.
I now stand before a much larger wave than before.
This one will test all that I have learned.
Every failure I've ever risen from.
I falter against it's weight, so many thoughts, so ignorant a child.
I open my eyes to see the ocean rising ever higher.
It means to take me.
I shall not give way to this.
Not again.
I am here, and I am strong.
This black sea cannot win, for I will not let it.
And I am Strong.


Sunday, January 29, 2012


Skot/Scott here, and I just got home from Oklahoma.

Hence the title.

I did a few fun things, saw some fun stuff, and heard a pretty awesome band., but sad truth is, there isn't much to do in Oklahoma. 

You'll understand when I tell you that the most memorabe part of the vacation was a chicken sandwich I had the first night at the hotel.

This sandwich was the best fried-chicken sandwich, I've ever had the orgasmic pleasure of eating.

The bun was the size of a standard burger's bun, but the slab of chicken can only be described as that. A slab.

That is supposed to be an angelic choir.
I've seen smaller steaks.

I feel as though I am starting to understand crazy religious zealots, as the chicken is now a part of me. And it is good.

No other chicken will ever reach this plateau, and I feel shameful for ever having had a chicken before it.

It was as if Odin Himself, gave His very life-blood into the fryer, and Hephaestus expertly bathed the slab of poultry in the Odinsblood until it was a brilliant golden brown.

Odin himself then brought me the finished bird and placed it front of me and said "Eat this, my son, and be full. For it is made within my very life and given for you to feast. Eat it and know that I love you, I love you more than any other God could ever love you."

And I ate it.

And I am now changed.

Alternatively, maybe it was a trip so lacking in anything noteworthy that this one, (probably only average) moment just seemed so monumental by comparison..

Just to clarify, I did have a lot of fun, the company was good, and the drinks were cheap. So that's something..

More Oklahoma to come.


Sunday, January 22, 2012

A step by step guide to being old.

For all of you yougsters out there desperatly wishing you were older, and people would take you more seriously, I thought I would write a guide for you to look and act older!

Follow these steps and you'll be yelling at kids for their loud music in no time!

First, Aching Joints.
Just start complaining about them, whether they hurt or not. They don't really hurt anyone, but everyone thinks they are supposed to so we just make it up.

Second, Slow Down.
Most older people will tell you they don't understand why you go so fast, why not stop and smell the roses. Really they just can't run because they are too busy pretending their joints hurt. You now need to enjoy things around you more and also drive a lot slower. It's the duty of the older generation to piss off the younger ones so that they can one day too drive slowly thus completing the cycle.

Third, Reminisce.
Talk about "The Good Ole Days" just make shit up. Anyone who's read my Opa story knows that's what he does. Talk about how when you were young gas was cheaper, and we had people in space. Or go crazy and say in your day we all were in space and you yourself built this planet that we walk on just for the younger generation who in turn doesn't appreciate you.

Third point five, Reminisce part 2.
Always talk about old shows and old bands as if you were a part of them.

Fourth, Talk Like Your Dad.
Learn some terrible jokes, and use them whenever you can, here are a few:
What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell Carrots?

What's invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny Farts.

What's Orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

Fifth, You Are What You Wear.
This one will depend on how old you want to be, and also how you want people to look at you. You'll have to do a little research here. Personally, I hike up my pants so far that no one, not even myself, can be sure where my stomach begins and my crotch ends. Try wearing golf pants, those can really get you started.

Sixth, This One Is Scary.
This last step is the end all. After this there is no going back. Make sure you are ready with creaky joints, bad jokes, and old man loafers. Politics. Start watching the news and have strange opinions on every politician. Start mudslinging you own TV more than they do on it.

Good luck friends, and remember, GET OFF MY LAWN!