Sunday, May 22, 2011

Just 'cause.

So a tornado attacked us today.

It came and busted in some houses and held up people for money.

Damn tornadoes.

In other news, I'm awesome!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Can I get an "amen"?

So apparently, regardless of what their book says, a group of Christians out of California are convinced that Saturday is the day that some guy in a robe is going to descend to the earth, and bring all the good little boys and girls back up stairs with him, leaving the rest of us down here to keep on sinnin'.

Sounds good to me.

Now I usually try to be as open minded as I can about people beliefs, especially when it comes to wondering what comes after death, that shit is seriously scary. It even weirds me out a little to think that there isn't anything after I die. But to believe that some guy is just gonna holler "All aboard", and the great pearly gates are gonna open to the good people is a little ridiculous.

I mean think about it. If we really do only have one life to live, as in this is the only part of time that my soul has been on this planet, and come Saturday it will either go up or down. Then how does God know that I'm a good person? Maybe if he let me stay a bit longer I would see the error in my ways! Maybe in just a few days or months or years I would turn my face to the grace of god, and on that day, I would truly be worthy of his love, and should be accepted into the kingdom of Heaven.


More likely, on my death bed in 60 years (More like twenty with how much of a klutz I am) I'll convert to Christianity so that I can be saved. I unno.

All I know is I don't want to leave. If Jesus come down and tells me my time is up, I'm taking a rain check. I'd rather stay. I'm not done screwing up yet. I'm not even close to done learning. I want more time to be me. I want to continue being human.

And a place with no sin and nothing but perfection sounds incredibly boring.

Besides, I won't know anyone up there, none of my friends will be going up, that's is for damn sure.

But, if any of you do end up heading cloud-ward, could you tell Jesus, he still owes me five bucks?



Sunday, May 15, 2011

Clothes Pt.2

I'm not really sure if this qualifies as a "part 2" But the hell with it, I want a sequel.

It's summer-ish time and with that comes heat. And with heat comes my distaste for shirts.

I hate shirts. I'm not saying I want the whole world to be shirtless, because that would vulgar and deviant. Though I spose I am both of those things, thank you Drea.

My distaste for upper-body wear is simply towards myself. Hell, ask any of my friends, get me into a small room with a lot people, the temperature starts to rise, and off goes my shirt! (and sometimes my pants but that's when I have a few drinks too!)

You can also see proof of this in most of my Facebook pictures, roughly fifty percent have me shirtless.

I have a small pocket watch I like to wear around my neck, it has never worked and honestly I like it even more that the hands are forever stuck at five minutes to two, 'cause that is what I have appropriately named Shirtless O'clock! My party time twice a day!

I'm not a nudest, (well maybe) I don't get kicks out of being weird (...umm) and I certainly don't enjoy parading my half-naked self around for the world to see (Yea, this whole sentence is a lie) I just don't like shirts.

Unless they are freshly ironed, then they are ok to sleep on.


Saturday, May 14, 2011


I've been having some interesting dreams lately.

Note: Interesting, can mean good or bad. Just saying.

Last night I lost a lot of sleep because I kept reliving some rather bad parts of my childhood where I got bullied a lot.

In these dreams I was super tiny and certain antagonists from my past would hit me and call me names, while my friends from the current era in my life joined them.

When I woke up and thought on it for a while I realized how stupid I was back then. I have always been a rather large kid, I've been six feet tall since middle school and used to weigh close to three-hundred pounds. At any point I could have thrown any of my oppressors through a damned window, even the really fat one. And that being said, there were really fat kids who called me fat and drove me to tears..weird..

I was perusing Facebook not long ago, and decided to look up some of these people.

Man, do I feel better about myself.

If you haven't taken the chance to look at your old bullies, do it. Most of mine are real winners now (sarcasm), makes me proud.

Getting back to dreams, I also had a dream where I purposely crapped myself. I awoke very alarmed. If my dream is any indication to the reality of it, pooping yourself feels somewhat nice though.

This reminds me of a story!


When I was younger, I'll say 7, I don't really remember, I had a bit of a problem. I'd be playing outside for hours, and come back in much later and would have pooped myself. At first my parents just figured, "Oops, shit happens" (I love puns) But after a few more times they got really concerned. They decided to take me to see a doctor.

The doctor checked me out, he poked and prodded, and eventually took my parents into another room. There he looked at them for a moment before saying "There's nothing wrong with him. He's just lazy. He's having fun outside and doesn't want to go inside."

My parents were noticeably confused, both of them being rather active, ambitious people, they didn't know how to act when they found out their son was too lazy to go to the bathroom like a normal well-adjusted human being.  The doctor picked up on this and said, "I think I can help though."

Back in the room with me the doctor sat opposite of the examining table and looked me in the eye. "Son, we have a little problem here, it seems you can't control your potty time, is that correct?" I nodded "Well I think I can help you, would you like that?" I nodded again, not really paying attention. "Alright, we just need to give you a little shot," He produced this enormous needle, roughly six inches long. I screamed and dove for my parents who were barely concealing their laughter (bastards).

They took me home, and I have never crapped myself since.

Good story.

I was rather hesitant to write this one up, 'cause I didn't think anyone but Oscar would enjoy it, but we'll see.


Wednesday, May 11, 2011



I think that's how you spell that, it's how I say anyway. If I find out I both spell AND say that wrong, I'm going to very sad indeed.

Anyway, the possibly misspelled and mispronounced "Oiy" is in reference to the crazy last few weeks that are finally coming to a close!

The show went well, with a sad audience attendance each night though, I don't give a damn about numbers, but I'm sad that the kids put so much work into it and so few people came out to see it. Most of their parents didn't even make the time, that's just wrong.

In the small bit of free time I've had, I've been working on a few projects, one I can't talk about yet for fear of being flayed alive by creatures beyond reason. The other is less dangerous to talk about, I'm finally finishing work on my Dungeons and Dragons world! I'm still adding a lot to the history of this planet, but I wanted to post it here so you could read it and tell me what you think.

You're free to use my ideas for your own campaigns, but start making money with my ideas and I will not be happy. I only say this 'cause it's happened before.

Here it is:

The year is 512.
It has been 512 years since the great war.
It has been 512 years since the world we knew was destroyed.
The druids, 512 years ago, took it upon themselves to return the planet to it's lush and forested state before civilization had developed on its surface.

The magical rite needed for such a powerful spell stripped the planet of almost all it's life force, and failed to restore any of it.

The planet is now one enormous ball of wasteland dotted by small bits of choked greens. The mountains have crumbled filling the seas and killing marine life. The water boiled away and covers the world in pitch black clouds, never falling back down. Animal life still abounds, though most creatures have developed a bloodlust and craving for anything with flesh making the surface incredibly dangerous. Anything the eats the meat from a surface animal may contract the bloodlust and turn into a feral beast itself. There is no proven cure for the bloodlust.

Hundreds of thousands died in the weeks following, wether dying of hunger, being eaten by the beasts or becoming a beast themselves.

The last of the dwarves died four hundred years ago, starved for the stone of the earth.

Any bit of civilization that was in the half-orcs before the scourge quickly washed away as tribes warred over the last remaining bits of food, and lacking any basic medical alchemy most half-orcs were taken by the bloodlust and returned to an even more barbaric lifestyle than before.

What remained of civilized people took to the skies aboard the few flying machines left from the war. There they have lived for some 500 years growing and building these small boats into gigantic flying cities.

Elves and Humans, who had been been fighting side by side against the dwarves before the druidic attack, now blame each other for the drastic measure taken by the druids. Elves say that the humans were the ones who pushed the druids to try "saving" the planet, while the humans say that the magic was elvish in nature so they must take the blame.

Due to the nature of the druids attack, druidism of all kinds is illegal, and it is considered an act of the state to kill anyone performing druidic rites on site.

The sky cities have returned to the ground to find resource deposits over the years and each control a few mines that are heavily guarded and coveted.

Though due to the hostile nature of the land animals very few settlements have been started on the surface.

The spell cast by the druids not only destroyed the planet and set technology back several steps. Because of this, there are many pre-scourge items that no one knows how to replicate or even how to run efficiently, but hundreds depend on the stability of these devices, though after five hundred years the cogs are getting rather rusty..

In the year 128, the humans, led by Price Crey, declared war on the elves. Sending a group of infected half-orcs into the capital city of Faewin, the humans sent a crippling blow throw the elves when the entire royal family was whipped away by the raging orcs.

In a show of un-elf-like haste, they rallied and led a counter attack only a few days later taking two resource mines from the humans by force. Unfortunatly, due to price Crey's incredible short-sightedness there was little to no defense in these mines and hundreds of civilians were slaughtered while defending their homes.

The war drug on for more than a century, the humans forgetting what had started the whole things, while the elves holding onto the grudge for much longer. In the year 242 the elves and humans reached a treaty of sorts. They agreed to a civil war. No more would battles be fought down to the very last man, it become world law that any battle would be decided when one army captured the other army's flag. Troops are required to lay down arms and surrender one mine to the victor. Any attacks following the capture of the flag would result in a court martial hearing and possible death to the offenders.

The human and elvish controlled cities now travel around the globe searching for more resources to claim so they won't be left defensless on the ground. In this way, the planet is being defiled even more and secret sects of druids have rekindled anger to stubbornness to "civilized" peoples.

These few remaining druids infiltrate themselves into the cities and force drastic and often harmful plant growth to explode in certain parts. These druids are killed on site if caught, though they rarely ever are.

Hope you enjoyed!