Monday, July 29, 2013

The Sunset Was Beautiful

This past weekend I was involved in a film shoot.

I had a small part, maybe eight lines in all, about 45 seconds of screen time, and you hardly see my face at all.

But I was there for about twelve hours in total.

I'm not complaining, I had a blast. I met some really cool people, and for the first time I saw into this world that I've been itching to get into for awhile.

And I want to do it again.

That's neat and all, but not why I'm writing this post.

Last night on the car ride home I realized something. I realized why I write these posts.

I started this blog back in 2011.

I was unemployed, depressed, and honestly rather bored.

"It keeps me busy," I told myself.

But not in the way I thought at the time.

Writing is a creative outlet, to be sure. And these blogs are a wonderful way for me to organize my very chaotic brain, and sometimes even get insight from whoever reads them.

That's fun, I like that.

August of 2011, I found a full-time job.

I stopped blogging.

I stopped going out to see bands.

I stopped hanging out with friends as much.

It just took a lot of time. Time that I didn't feel that I had anymore.

Since I didn't go out much, I had nothing of interest to put in my blog, so I stopped writing in it.

That's not true.

Last night I realized that because I stopped blogging, I stopped going out to find interesting things to do.

I blog because it pushes me to go out and get more fun stories to share.

I write because I cannot paint with this set of colors anywhere else.

It was an inspiring realization. I knew I loved writing, but I had no idea how central it was to my life.

I'll post the film when it's done being edited.

Follow yourself,

Saturday, July 27, 2013

I Wish I Would Have Taken A Photo.

Today was an interesting day.

I made new friends, stayed busy well into the evening, and even had something happen to me that I struggle for a word to describe it.

Later in the afternoon today myself and some friends went to tour a church that they are considering buying for a theater company we all belong to.

We walked around this church, and spent the hour talking about the problems it has, and about how hard it would be to fix it up.

If everything that was said was written down on a piece of paper, and you were to read that bit of paper, you would think it a very negative experience.

That was not the case.

There is a lot of work there.


But that's not the point.

We were all looking at it with at least that touch of "There will be a lot of work to be done." not "There would be a lot of work."

It's hard to put my finger on it exactly, but these people supported this idea. That alone makes these people worth everything and more.

Walking around that church, imagining and talking and exploring, I felt like a kid again.

Not in the sense of playing around, but in the sense of it's all in front of you.

I guess you sort of need to have been an adult in order to feel that feeling from when you were a kid...That's another rant I think.

I could feel my own possibilities for my own life coming to me from that building.

Not in terms of it exactly, though that was a thing for some it, but something about it just made me feel like everything in my life will be fine.

Not that it isn't, but it will be too.

Just an interesting thought overall I felt.

Anyone else ever have that? Something or somewhere in your life just made you feel comfortable with yourself?


Feeling good,

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Greener Pastures

A couple days ago I was offered a position at a business where they design and sell board games. Not the most glorious position, not designing games, but a wonderful atmosphere, and it looked like a good place to work.

I was also offered a job at a theatre, doing phone calling. Not very exciting at all, part time, almost on-call, but it's in my field.

I've been sort of rolling this around in my head a lot, and having trouble figuring out which direction to go with it.

My phone rang, it was the fella from the game shop. He was calling to check in with me. They needed me to fill out some forms, background checks and whatnot, before they could "Officially" offer me the job.

I wasn't 100% convinced of my decision, and sort of wanted another hour or two to mull it over, but here it was, I had to make the call.

I turned down the stable work, that was in a fun environment, with good people, and the discount to board games (I think that was the biggest pull..)

I feel a little weird about the whole thing, the guy sounded super disappointed, like he wanted to be upset, but I told him that I was offered a job in my field. Something I want. I think he understood, but it still puts them in a tough spot.

I don't know about you guys, whoever still reads this anymore, but when I grew up I was sort of conditioned to a lot of things.

Take a shower everyday.

Every meal needs to be 30-50% meat.

Hunting is a man's job, and he should love it.

And you're only successful if you're working 40 hrs a week, come home and bitch about how much you hate your job.

I take a shower every other day, because I like to save water, I had the food thing beaten out of me by three lady friends being vegetarian, vegan, and vegetarian in that order. I hate hunting, always have, but always sort of thought there was something wrong with me there, but the job thing. I guess I still haven't shaken that concept.

You're taught a lot of things that you don't even realize you're learning, and consequently you have unlearn some of those things later in life in order to grow as a human.

I had thought I had unlearned most of them.

Here I am facing another life lesson.

It's ok to not know what is happening, and to be scared. But it is never ok to be in a situation that you can get out of, that makes you unhappy.

Or doesn't make you happy enough.

There is a saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

It's always sort of meant "Just be happy where you are. No sense pushing for more when there is always something better."

Fuck that.

In the sense of material wealth, sure I'll agree, there is always a bigger TV, or a nicer car. Be happy with what you have there and move on.

But when it comes to quality of the life lived, and your happiness within it, you'd better fucking believe I am ready to trespass on every fucker's lawn as I find the greenest grass I can in this world.

Don't settle for what sounds ok, when what sound good is a little scary.

Help will always come. There is always a solution. Always. You may have to swallow your pride a bit, but run for that greener grass.

Tastes like Happy,