Sorry folks, been awhile.

No real excuses here, but I've been going through some weird internal shit lately, so I haven't been in a good place to write.

Which just proved to make me more sad.

But here I am now and I will get back on this horse, and ride that bastard 'till he drops.

Take that PETA.

hehe, I should start drinking me thinks..

1st shot: When I was about 16, pushing 17, I was in a heavy pagan phase, you know what I mean, where you just read everything that isn't one of the big mainstream religions. (P.S. ADD moment, watch this.) And pretend to do things and just mostly have angst at everything else. Yea, that.

2nd shot: (Hehe, I lost my bottle for a second) I was also heavily involved in this theater company, where I met one of the sweetest ladies ever. Colleen always was super nice to me, helped me out with whatever I needed and always smiled at me and remembered my name when she forgot everyone's else's.

She was part of this new church group which was about twenty minutes from where I lived and they had a strong youth thingy (3-8 year olds) (Shot 3) I should also mention that I had my long hair for about a year now, so it was around shoulder length, and I had somewhat of a beard (I have had facial hair since I was about 15) Colleen, as well as plenty of other people, thought that I resembled Jesus, (Not the black, historically accurate one, the "real" Christian bigotry one.)

Shot 4: So to recap this crazy twisting path. I was pagan (as I still am, just much less in your face about it) had long hair and a beard (which I still do, just less in your face about it...?) and was asked to play Jesus for a church that I wasn't part of (...What? You want me to write something in here? ELEMINO!)
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So the gig was on a Sunday, earlyish morning (I think I had to be there at about 10, which wasn't early for me then, but definitely is now.) I showed up at this hotel lobby where they were holding their services (I think they now have a small building downtown) and about 6 elderly women greeted me. They went around introduces themselves with names I didn't remember then let alone now.

These women proceeded to explain to me what will be expected of me that day. There would be a short gathering and a few people would talk, everyone would get some food, and then the guy in charge (I hesitate to call him pastor 'cause I unno if he really was a man of the cloth or if he just read from the book, which is cool either way) would start his shpeel where eventually we would say something that would cue me to walk in. I would have changed into a robe and donned a thorny crown for this, and I come in saying the "I am the alpha and the omega," bit. I would sit in the front of the church where I would read random bible quotes to children who came up to me, and pt my hand on their heads and say things like "bless you my child."

How much more blasphemous could I be? I'm a bloody pagan posing as Jesus, touching children...

Shot 5: Shot 6: So I've sort of written (and drank) myself into a corner here, the actual event was not that bad, it was just a little creepy. The hilarious part happened before any other worshipers showed up, while the blue-haired women were explaining things to me.

The six sweet old women all crowded around my confused person in order to "channel Jesus"....

They all laid their hands on me and one of them began to pray to Jesus to take my body and help me deliver the message to the children. (She also mentioned that I was a good upstanding Christian boy, lol.) They all started to sway back and forth, and at least two of them started to random yell "Thank you Jesus!" and "Praise JESUS!" and (NO LIES) One started to speak in tongues....

I literally almost shit myself.

But after surviving that, touching children, and seriously disturbing some random mother who pissed me off by calling me a satanist (I went off about how her religion took a lot of it's myths from other faiths so hard she I'm pretty sure she wanted to hit me) I was paid for it all! I got 100 bucks for all that was mentioned here.

I'm ok with getting 100 bucks for letting some old ladies touch me.

What does that say?

Shot G: Skot/Scott

P.S. I should add that I have no qualms with Christianity, it's a fair amount of people that bother me. Not just Christians, but people that take anything too far.